A Guide To Understanding W

by Craig Berger

What Bush says:

I consider myself a devout Christian.

I am fiscally Conservative.

I am connected to the Hispanic community.

I am a uniter, not a divider.

I am Pro-Life.

I served my country honorably in Vietnam.

Marriage should be between a man and a woman.

Saddam Hussein was as great a threat as Osama Bin Laden.

I participate in regular Bible Study.

I participate in regular Bible Study.

The economy is rebounding.

America admires my leadership.

Coming Soon: Vietnam for Dummies.

What Bush means:

The Crusades ruled.

I wouldn't pay five bucks to get a rapist off my mother.

Someone in my family knocked up the maid.

In much the same way Hitler was a uniter.

If 50-Cent knocks up Jenna I can always send her to Sweden.

What do you mean Alabama isn't in Vietnam?

What happened in cheerleader practice stays in cheerleader practice.

I can't tell one of these fucking Ragheads from the other.

They have Bibles with pictures!

My Jesus activity book is almost all colored in.

I'm going to buy a basketball team.

I can't believe I wasn't impeached.

© 2004 Craig Berger, All Rights Reserved.