Ways To Get On Santa's
Bad List

by James Seidler

The holiday season is coming quickly, meaning there are only twenty-three days left to avoid getting screwed by the big guy upstairs (Santa, not God-you have the rest of your life to figure out how to avoid getting screwed by him). Luckily, we at FLYMF have come up with a fool-proof list of things to avoid, to help you get all of the good stuff you want, and avoid that lump of coal in your stocking.

1. Shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

2. Be a homo, according to Oklahoma state law 1574.

3. Hang around the North Pole hitting on Mrs. Claus while Santa's out delivering gifts, Rodney Kowalksi, you little bastard.

4. Backwash.

5. Tell mommy and daddy about your and Santa's "special place."

6. Failing to curb your dog, because that's a CRIME!

7. Not telling your family and friends about FLYMF , and how funny it is, and sending them lots of money.

8. Just being a dick.   You know who you are.

© 2004 James Seidler, All Rights Reserved.