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Best Saturday Night Live Skits That Never Aired
by Wayne Gladstone


(Because They’re Not Real—Merely Fragments Of My Unconscious That Manifest, Occasionally, As Waking Dreams. But They Seem Real. Sort Of)

The Behind the Music skit with Will Ferrell as Cat Stevens where Ferrell repeatedly sings My Lady D’Arbanville over and over, hyperbolically overemphasizing each syllable: “MY LAY-DEE DAR BAN VILLE!”

The fast food skit where Horatio Sanz keeps messing up Jimmy Fallon’s order—first with little things like no mayo, but then with increasingly absurd mistakes until, ultimately, he tries to serve him a dead cat instead of a burger. Jimmy cracks up when Horatio produces the cat prop from beneath the counter.

The flatulent clown skit where Chris Farley, dressed as “Bobo,” ruins David Spade’s sixth birthday party. Farley tries to blame the sound of breaking wind on the balloons he’s folding. The skit ends when mom, Julia Sweeney, lights the birthday cake and the cameras cut to stock footage of a nuclear explosion.

Something with Molly Shannon acting manically fetishistic about an every day household item—canned soup, vacuum cleaners, door knobs.

The game show skit where host Phil Hartman asks contestants to answer animal trivia questions, with winners receiving free pet supplies and losers having their pets tortured.

Jon Lovitz’s recurring character, Jimmy, the deli guy, who cuts meat while delivering variations on his catch phrase, like: “Hey, lady. You think maybe you need a pickle?” or “I’m just saying, sometimes a sandwich needs a pickle,” or “Begone madam! This delicatessen holds no pickle for you.”

The naughty librarian skit where a fishnet-wearing Tina Fey takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and tells me I’ve been a very naughty boy. No. Wait. She keeps the glasses on.

© 2006 Wayne Gladstone, All Rights Reserved
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