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Tally the Comrade’s Votes What nation should the Dear Leader seek to liberate his next mistress from? |
Greetings to the most-blessed citizenry of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. I am happy to report that the American imperialists have ceased the supreme folly of their campaign of hate against the most splendiferous North Korean nation. While the American people are forced to entertain themselves with sharp scraps of metal and rely upon their own stillborn children for nourishment, they envy our buxom women and daily rice rations. To apologize for their greatest of transgressions, the dogs of the American government have now officially decreed summer to be “The Season of the Most Beneficient Dear Leader to Whom the Weather Pales in Both Loveliness and Temperance.” The Dear Leader’s benevolence to his citizens is like that of a father towards his children, but only if that father also had the physical qualities of a woman so that he might also bear and nurture them. In contrast to the oppressed masses of American workers who slave away as cogs in the vast machines of the industrialists—their weary, still-living corpses provide fuel for the blast furnaces upon their inevitable exhuasted collapse—the North Korean Democractic paradise is a worker’s paradise. Not happy with how things are going in your work group? Just voice up, and your problem will be taken care of immediately. (To prove the further benevolence of the Dear Father, the problems of your family, friends and even casual acquaintances will also be taken care of immediately.) Japan cowers at the might of the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army. Soon her cities shall be rubble! Scratch that— Japan’s cities have already been reduced to rubble, and the survivors in the ruins beg for our mercy. Informing on your neighbor is the greatest virtue. Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il |
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Comments Dear, uh, Dear Leader, I am looking for tips on how to be as loving and generous towards my people as you are. I would also appreciate you sharing the knowledge behind your reputation of never leaving a woman unsatisfied. -Tex417 (gbush@whitehouse.gov) Gush Over The Dear Leader:
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