Duck, Duck, Goose?
Dark, handsome drake with good sense of humor, no pants, seeks argumentative companion of any sex for verbal sparring, forest fun. No hunters please. Threesome possible with irritable, unintelligible white buddy.
Out of the Inkwell
Newly uncloseted clown with big feet, big nose, big heart seeks male companion for change of scene, surreal hijinks. Turn-ons include seltzer, camel's-hair brushes, Chanel No. 5. No bozos, Gacy types.
Bowl and Ball
Hairy, muscular blue-collar type and slim, pretty redhead seek other clean, swinging couples for bowling, beer, possible swapping. Discretion a must, nosy stone-age next-door neighbors just don't get it.
Oy likesk skinny goils wit' broomstick arms 'n' long, long legsk. No HIV/herp, some gout. Straight, strong to the finishk! Give these big, strong forearmsk a break. Ugh-ugh-ugh... egg-egg-egg... um... :)
Lean, green, successful entertainer loves the feel of foam rubber against his felt, in the mood for a little I&P experimentation. Three wild dimensions for a novel, pleasurable experience.
Desperately Seeking Sugar
YGWM seeks very generous older man to subsidize butler, rare-breed dog, robot maid. Lost everything in Internet bubble market crash, including inhibitions. Contact Rich Enterprises, Richville, USA, ask for "Mike."
In a Fix?
Sensual, expressive black cat seeks sub partner willing to explore versatile bag of tricks and put that big ol' exclamation mark where it belongs, awwwwyeah.
Big-eyed, curly-haired brunette will see to all your needs in relaxed, quiet atmosphere. Please call in advance, some clients find voice annoying but most just love it. Like the first time, every time—come take my boop-boop-a-doop away!
Attractive, accented European couple seek moose, squirrel.
Can't Hurry Love
Middle-aged millionaire with mansion, yacht seeks female companion for hunting trips, opera, more. No convincing mannequins with concealed explosives or rabbits in bra and lipstick, please.
Good-looking, long-lashed mouse with a mission, busy schedule, seeks similarly harried female friend for occasional dates as time permits. Can't promise regular appearances, but will be there when it counts; with advance notice, will save the day. Women with “P” names a plus.
Let's Get Close
Extremely near-sighted, confident older gentleman is tired of singles bars, vacuum cleaners, donuts, electrical sockets, bathtub drains, old stockings, exhaust pipes, mailslots, garbage disposals, gumball machines, and porn. Please don't play hard-to-get.