Ape Mind Transcripts

I thought this exchange between French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was funny, in a chilling real-politic sort of way. From the Times Online:

With Russian tanks only 30 miles from Tbilisi on August 12, Mr. Sarkozy told Mr. Putin that the world would not accept the overthrow of Georgia’s Government. According to Mr. Levitte, the Russian seemed unconcerned by international reaction. “I am going to hang Saakashvili by the balls,” Mr. Putin declared.

Mr. Sarkozy thought he had misheard. “Hang him?” — he asked. “Why not?” Mr. Putin replied. “The Americans hanged Saddam Hussein.”

Mr. Sarkozy, using the familiar tu, tried to reason with him: “Yes but do you want to end up like [President] Bush?” Mr. Putin was briefly lost for words, then said: “Ah — you have scored a point there.”

In one good thing might come from our dimwit President’s disastrous reign, it could be that for generations to come, heads of state wake up, look at themselves in the mirror in the morning, and say, “Don’t pull a Bush today.”

As for Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili, he responded to this exchange as one might assume:

Mr. Saakashvili, who was in Paris to meet Mr. Sarkozy yesterday, laughed nervously when a French radio station read him the exchange. “I knew about this scene, but not all the details. It’s funny, all the same,” he said.

I bet he thinks it’s hilarious!

FLYMF contributor J.D. Smith has penned a children’s book, “The Best Mariachi in the World.” The story, illustrated by Dani Jones, is summed up as follows:

Everyone in Gustavo’s family is in a mariachi band . . .

Everyone except Gustavo, that is. They all play violines, trompetas and guitarrones. They all make wonderful music in restaurants and at wedding parties. Gustavo would love to join the band, but he can’t play any of the instruments. What’s a wannabe mariachi to do? Follow Gustavo as he finds his place in the family mariachi band.

On his Amazon blog, J.D. relates that he wrote the book 10 years ago while on his morning commute (luckily for the pedestrians who might otherwise have been mauled, Smith lives in Washington D.C., which has an excellent public transit system). The book is available in English, Spanish, and bilingual versions, making it a perfect gift for young ones interested in some language-bending. Check it out today!

J.D.’s work for FLYMF includes The Great Tuvalu Liquidation Sale and…uh, other titles that aren’t entirely fitting to be associated with a children’s book. But you can visit our contributor’s archive and browse down to find them yourself.

First seen on Daily Kos (via Balloon Juice), here’s a Fox News interview reporting that Sarah Palin “didn’t know which countries were in NAFTA” and “didn’t understand Africa was a continent rather than a country just in itself.”

Here’s a partial transcript provided by Daily Kos diarist ksh01:

Smith: Now that the election is over, Carl, tell us more about those reports of infighting between Palin and McCain staffers.

Cameron: I wish I could have told you more at the time but all of it was put off the record until after the election. There was great concern in the McCain campaign that Sarah Palin lack the degree of knowledgeability necessary to be a running mate, a vice president, and a heartbeat away from the presidency. We’re told by folks that she didn’t know what countries that were in NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, that being the Canada, the US, and Mexico. We’re told she didn’t understand that Africa was a continent rather than a country just in itself … a whole host of questions that caused serious problems about her knowledgeability. She got very angry at staff, thought that she was mishandled…..was particularly angry about the way the Katie Couric interview went. She didn’t accept preparation for that interview when the aides say that that was part of the problem. And that there were times that she was hard to control emotionally there’s talk of temper tantrums at bad news clippings……

How any can say that McCain ran a responsible campaign after hearing this is beyond me. Hopefully this kills any chance of a Palin resurgence in 2012. Apparently she really hasn’t read a newspaper, at any time, ever.

When nationwide maps of election returns are presented, one thing that bothers me is the disconnect between the size of a state (i.e., its physical landmass) and its population. Typical electoral maps (below) show vast swaths of red across the central United States, implying broad national Republican support, when in reality tiny Connecticut has more people than Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota and Wyoming combined.

When you adjust the map so that each state’s size is proportional to its population, the Democrats achieve a broader visual base of support.

Although that diminishes a bit when voting results are broken down by county in the same manner.

Of course, even the most liberal or conservative county doesn’t vote in concert (well, maybe a couple in Utah), so a map that’s color-coded to represent varying levels of voting support might be the best way to view the situation.

That’s America right there.

All images created by University of Michigan professor of Mark Newman, who does a much better job of explaining these concepts at his web site.

New York Times columnist Paul Krugman offers another apt summation of how many of us feel at this moment.

Last night wasn’t just a victory for tolerance; it wasn’t just a mandate for progressive change; it was also, I hope, the end of the monster years.

What I mean by that is that for the past 14 years America’s political life has been largely dominated by, well, monsters. Monsters like Tom DeLay, who suggested that the shootings at Columbine happened because schools teach students the theory of evolution. Monsters like Karl Rove, who declared that liberals wanted to offer “therapy and understanding” to terrorists. Monsters like Dick Cheney, who saw 9/11 as an opportunity to start torturing people.

And in our national discourse, we pretended that these monsters were reasonable, respectable people. To point out that the monsters were, in fact, monsters, was “shrill.”

Four years ago it seemed as if the monsters would dominate American politics for a long time to come. But for now, at least, they’ve been banished to the wilderness.

As it looks like a near certainty that Barack Obama will be our next President–knock on wood–I think Roger Ebert does an excellent job of summing up why this election means so much to so many people.

As the mighty tide swept the land on Tuesday night, I was transfixed. As the pundits pondered red states and blue states, projections and exit polls, I was swept with emotion. Not because America was “electing its first Black president.” That comes a little late in the day. It was because America was electing the right President.

Our long national nightmare is ending. America will not soon again start a war based on lies and propaganda. We will not torture. We will restore the rights of freedom of speech, freedom of privacy, and habeas corpus. We will enter at last in the struggle against environmental disaster. Our ideas will once again be more powerful than our weapons. During the last eight years, the beacon on the hill flickered out. Now the torch will shine again.

Some highlights from the past couple months of the world’s greatest magazine.

Lipstick on a Pig: a 2008 Campaign Quiz is the latest in a series of questionnaires Paul Slansky has produced to highlight the absurdity of election quotes. Test how good you are at identifying how low candidates and spokespeople will go. A hint: the real answers are generally the most outrageous.

Rock, Paper, Scissors, by Jill Lepore, explores how the practice of voting has changed in America since its inception. Many things we take for granted, from government-produced ballots to the secrecy of the voting curtain, are actually relatively recent developments.

Right Again, by Adam Gopnik, profiles the almost-saintly foresight and advocacy of John Stuart Mill. A dedicated feminist and champion of human rights, Mill’s positions still sound radical, and persuasive, today.

Finally, Aleksandar Hemon produces another punchy, evocative short story with The Noble Truths of Suffering. This one will especially resonate for writers, as it explores the way experiences are absorbed and then pulverized before being reframed on the printed page. Humor anchors a seemingly tossed-off, but surprisingly moving, story.

From the Miami Herald:

In a first, a military judge ruled on Tuesday that a Guantánamo detainee’s confession was extracted through torture, and excluded it from the trial of a young Afghan detainee at the war court.

Afghan police threatened the family of teenager Mohammed Jawad while he was undergoing interrogation at a Kabul police station, said Army Col. Stephen Henley, the judge, in a three-page ruling.

Jawad, now facing trial by military commission, is accused of throwing a grenade inside an Afghan bazaar in December 2002, which wounded two U.S. soldiers and their Afghan interpreter. None were killed.

Henley found in the ruling that there was reason to believe Jawad was under the influence of drugs at the time of his capture and forced confession.

He also accepted the accused’s account of how he was threatened, while armed senior Afghan officials allied with U.S. forces watched his interrogation.

”You will be killed if you do not confess to the grenade attack,” the detainee quoted an interrogator as saying. “We will arrest your family and kill them if you do not confess.’”

Counterproductive and damned.

With one week left before Election Day, the Presidential campaign continues to be contentious. Senator Obama is ahead in the polls—fingers crossed!—but John McCain and his supporters are ramping up their attacks, tossing out accusations of un-Americanism, Marxism, and similar outdated nonsense.

While these attacks target Senator Obama, they also demean everyone who supports him, implying that a Democratic vote is equivalent to treason or terrorism.

That obviously isn’t the case. And the best response to these tired attacks is an overwhelming Obama victory on November 4.

How can you bring this about?

1. Vote. Encourage your friends and family to do likewise.

2. If you can, make a contribution to the Obama campaign. Each donation, now matter how small, helps to promote a message of competence and change.

The next Presidency will be a momentous one. It’s essential that the right person—Barack Obama—is in place to lead our country on a better, more hopeful, path to prosperity. You can help to make this happen.

The Daily Show in fine form, from October 20.