What was once cool became lame…and now seems to be cool again. All one needs for proof is to look at the hair-dos and clothes of “kids these days.” As a result, it’s been said by sociologists nationwide that we live in a “nostalgia culture.” Who said that and where? Beats me. I just know it was said, ok? So, get off my ass about it.
The most recent example of this has been the critical and box office success of Rocky Balboa. For years, the thought of a new Stallone film seemed little more than an ill-timed punch line. That was the case until a sixty-year-old Rocky Balboa returned with a well-aged vengeance.
And with nostalgia comes another American trend: Milking it for everything it’s worth.
Through my vast network of Hollywood connections, which include cabbies, spiritual gurus, and actors trying to make it as waiters, I’ve uncovered the latest Sylvester Stallone vehicles that are set to take advantage of this whole nostalgia trip.
Marion “Cobra” Cobretti has now been promoted from Lieutenant to Captain and is on the prowl for a notorious serial killer. Only problem is, he’s suffering from end stage Alzheimer’s, and his once-vigilante behavior is now much more erratic. Cobra is prone to blast anyone and anything in sight on his quest to catch the killer, whether or not they’re children or small animals. If you’re in Cobra’s way…odds are you’ll be dead soon.
Over the Top 2: Bull’s Revenge
Former trucker and arm wrestling champ Lincoln Hawk is now living a quiet retirement in a Barstow trailer park with a twelve-toothed ex-stripper who enjoys a casual meth dependency. Things are great until arch-rival Bull Hurley finds him and wants a rematch of their classic arm wrestling battle. Everything looks grim for Hawk until Hurley develops adult diabetes and loses his right arm moments before the match. Hawk proceeds to dominate.
Tango and Cash 2: Tango’s Last Dance
After painfully watching his partner, Gabe Cash, succumb to evils of prostate cancer, Ray Tango investigates the pharmaceutical companies that created the drugs that failed his former partner. He uncovers a web of deceit, government influence, and international conspiracy all involving prostate cancer treatment. The normally slick Tango takes is to the bastards, guerilla style, to avenge his fallen partner.
They’re actually making this one for real! Look for it to be the most awesome film of all time!