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Educational Board Games
by Dale Dobson

 

Oligopoly
In this game inspired by Republican “trickle-down” economic theory, one player (the Oligarch) starts with ninety percent of the money, while the destitute remaining players try to make it around the board as many times as possible before ending up in Debtor’s Prison. The charity Community Chest, decimated by funding cuts, is dependent on faith-based organizations that refuse to give any money to non-believers. Players who cannot afford to pay the home or hotel rents contract “gutter cough” and must spend every other turn in the hospital at the expense of the other players (but not the Oligarch, who makes up any other rules he or she likes as the game progresses). The game ends when the Oligarch has all the money.

Quick! Hide the Salami!
Fun for two or more naked players, ages eighteen and up. More than four players tends to become impractical, emotionally complicated, or just plain silly.

Don’t Break the Baby’s Neck!
Players take turns drawing “Woe Cards” and pumping up their Anger Meters with drug problems, money issues, and relationship tensions. When a player’s meter is full, the battery-operated baby in the center of the board begins to cry and can only be stopped by beating it violently against the Baby Wall. When the baby stops crying, the player is out and the baby is reset. Game ends when only one player remains or when the Social Services Investigation card is finally drawn.

BrandyLand
Two­-four players stagger through a colorful land of alcoholic beverages, wandering by the Vodka Falls and the Cocktail Orchard in an eighty-proof haze. No reading or counting required—driving prohibited.

Clue Senior
Elderly couples who like to argue will enjoy this simplified version of the popular mystery game, which dispenses with the weapons and characters completely. “I did it in the bathroom!” “No, you did it in the kitchen!” “I never did it in the kitchen!” “Yes you did, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” “You must have done it in the kitchen, because I remember I did it in the living room.” “No, I did it in the kitchen.” “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” “What did I do, anyway?” “Oh, I don’t remember. Figure it out yourself!” Every round provides interminable hours of entertainment.

Mystery Date?
Players wake up in a strange apartment with someone they don’t remember ever seeing before. Spin the dial and open the bathroom door to see what further mysteries await! “Did he bring flowers? Or condoms at least?” “Oh, my God, it’s Richard Nixon!” “Well, whaddya know? I’m gay!” “It’s a big bunch of hair and it smells like curry!” “Oh, hi, mom!”

 
   
© 2007 Dale Dobson, All Rights Reserved
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